M2A: Southgate 1 Reading 3

Match weekend 2 saw the Mens 2As travel to Southgate to play their newly promoted 3rd XI. Southgate has a policy of developing skilful youth players and are something of a resurgent force in English hockey following the promotion of a number of their sides. However, buoyant by last week’s winning the start and a squad of 15 players, the 2As went in to the game with confidence of securing 3 points.

We welcomed back a number of our pre-season & last season squad including the likes of Andy “The man of” Steel, Stavros Lewington, Rick “Was sick” Brown and Rich “Obedient” Collins. We also welcomed our new teammate from the USA, Asavir “Big time” Kalla.

With a soggy warm up behind us (who put that field there?) we lined up in our familiar formation with the purpose of starting the game with high intensity and better ball retention than last week.

In the early stages the 2As worked the ball round the defence quickly before working the ball up the middle, then wide, where we looked to expose Southgate’s full backs and penetrate their D. Southgate were knocking the ball round well too but our midfield quartet of Lane, Bairstow, Brown and the every Obedient Collins were excellent in wining back and retaining possession before feeding the forwards, initially Asavir and Ben Cook who looked threatening. Despite a number of penalty corners we did not have any success and Southgate were increasingly dangerous on the break, with one move down our right leading to a bobbling ball in our D which was lashed in by a Southgate forward. 1-0 to Southgate.

Unperturbed by this setback the 2As looked to use their substitutes with Chewbacca, Huge Griffiths (fresh from his latest lung transplant) and the fried chicken fuelled Sam Logan seamlessly slotting in to the midfield and upfront. We continued to play well and create opportunities, Ben Cook wasting the best of these after he had (with due credit) picked off a cross D pass by a Southgate defender.

The 2As pressure continued and when the infidel Collins flicked a penalty corner rebound in to their defender on the line, instead of the goal, a penalty stroke was awarded. Collins was then instructed by his master to take the flick and where to put it. He fulfilled his duty humbly and was therefore allowed to play on and drive his master back to Reading after the game.

The 2As stepped up a gear after this and scored two break away goals of high quality, set up by “Colonel Sanders Long Lost Son” Sam Logan and expertly put away in typically unorthodox fashion by Huge, fresh from his latest bout of steroids.

Half time arrived with us in a strong position leading 3-1. Ansary and The Man of Steel agreed that are continued focus on defending as a team and hitting on the break quickly would see us win the game.

We started the 2nd half with strong impetus with the team literally camped in and around the Southgate D, much like a medieval castle under siege. The Southgate keeper was in excellent form saving numerous short corners and two vicious strikes on goal from Lane and Kalla. As the time ticked away Southgate began to commit extra players upfront and the 2As found themselves rushing their passes for the last 10 minutes. A couple of fine saves by GK Tommy Alexander kept the final score to 3-1 to the 2As.

The last few minutes were marred by a yellow card awarded to Chewbacca, despite him not having done much wrong. I can only surmise the umpire felt threatened by his hair and savage looks.

Overall this was a very positive team performance with excellent midfield and forward interplay underpinned by a solid defence. Everyone’s attitude and application to playing good hockey and working as a team was spot on. At the end of the game Jamie Bairstow gave the man of the match award to Reza. Thanks
Jamie, your loyalty and blatant favouritism will not go unrewarded in future games.

Match report by Reza “two out of two, 100%” Ansary

Team:

Tommy “Begbie” Alexander

Andy Fraser
Andy “The Dealer” Steeler
Kieran Smith
Tom “The bomb” Lewington

Rick “Too slick” Brown
Jamie “the Scarecrow” Bairstow
Rich “Reza’s b*tch” Collins – 1 goal
Chris “Insane” Lane
Reza “sounds like Nebuchadnezzar” Ansary
Chewbacca (Jonny Mumford to his family)

Ben “Mr Sitter” Cook
Asavir “USA, USA” Kalla
Huge Griffiths – 2 goals
Sam “Hulk Hogan” Logan