2As – Best looking Team in Berkshire… again.

This year’s Berkshire Cup was again held as a tournament, a one day event

on a glorious late summer’s day at Braywick, Maidenhead.

The day started brightly for Performance Director Downer, as he failed to
keep down the pint of water he had just necked after waking up. Still
completely ship faced from Titch’s leaving party the night before, Johnny
sad ?. Squad selection was based on those not old enough to legally drink
and those who were not going out to Walkabout, luckily Performance Director
Downer was injured and so happily could drink himself into oblivion.

The first game commenced at the sprightly time of 10.30am. Dave ‘Hangover’
Harding was sports casually late, as was Eddy ‘innit’ Davidson, who was
playing in his own back yard. Steve Irwin’s inflatable crocodile, Beckett
came along for moral support. Phoenix and ‘You know you want to be us’
Raleigh presented a team in orange. They capitulated within one minute of
the game, with David ‘Hasselhoff’ Copp thumping a half volley in from the
top of the D. He was immediately substituted for looking too good by
Performance Director Downer. Three more goals went in, we are not
particularly sure by whom, but no doubt they looked awesome. 4-0 at half
time, and it was time to kick back and relax. Phoenix didn’t threaten us at
all really, especially with Duncan ‘Doomsday’ Brown and Rob ‘Wife
beater’ Foster in control at the back, and Dave ‘twinkle in the eye’
Harding throwing 50 yard aerials for fun.

So the end of that match and we had a four hour break till the next one
against Sonning. So we went to the local carvery and ordered up an obscene
amount of Sunday roasts, chicken wings and vanilla ice cream, followed by
some light banter… Tugger… and a little doze.

Now interestingly Sonning only managed to draw with Phoenix, whilst we were
having Sunday lunch, which meant a draw or win, would put us through to the
final. Safe.

And as you would expect we started the Sonning game half asleep. Tedworth
Hunt Pony Club. But were rudely awoken by the temper of the game and the
interesting umpiring.

From no where, and somewhat against the run of play, Dave ‘build me up
buttercup’ Beckett scored the most outrageously good looking goal from the
right hand baseline of the D, which wowed the crowds and made the keeper
look really stupid. 1-0.

Back to the interesting umpiring… Sonning were awarded a p-flick. Those who
were there will remember with utter bewilderment the decision, those were
not there… just think of the most ‘interesting’ short corner decision
you have ever seen and multiply by 13.6. They dispatched the flick. 1-1.

The game descended into a riot. Alex ‘lamb chop’ Land was graciously
thumped by the Sonning keeper in an off the ball cheap shot incident. Daddy
Land pointed this out to the umpire at close quarters… the umpire that gave
the p-flick. He didn’t like that side line abuse. Performance Director
Downer stepped in to calm the situation, but with limited success, as Daddy
Land was ordered to p1ss off and leave the pitch (in no particular order).
Cool. After five minutes of handbags and the captains getting a talking to,
calm was restored.

The game ended 1-1. Sonning were miffed, Reading were happy. Maidenhead in
the final, here we come.

The final was a mere 15 minutes after the end of the Sonning game, but given
our superior fitness level (no thanks to Mani ‘Get on the f***ing game
line’ Kochar’s ladies fitness session), we were prime.

The fact that we were tired actually played to our advantage, because
instead of dribbling, we passed, we maintained possession and Maidenhead
rarely threatened our half. We ran out 2-0 winners in the end, in quite a
comfortable game. There was no real incident to report to be honest, other
than Rohit ‘hit me’ Kapoor’s steroids wearing off mid way through the
second half. Oh and Chris ‘chip off the block’ Newman can’t aerial.

No little winners medals this year, just the trophy… again. That’s three
years in a row now, which I am sure means we get to keep the Shield for
good, especially as there is no more room to write anymore names on it!

Congratulations to the boys, you looked great, all day.